Face-to-Face with Macho

I went to Kantomanto to get a new shirt and a pair of shoes for the meeting with the guys. The guys met every Saturday night to either watch the European League on the Bar’s large screen or drink beer and “domedo,” and argue about anything and everything. Last week’s meeting was fun especially when my team won their match. Of course that earned me the bragging right and throughout the night I kept buying more beer for the guys.

This weekend’s meeting is going to be different because Kofi is going to introduce a couple ladies from his office to us. It’s not going to be just the usual drink and “domedo” or football with the guys but we are going to have some pretty ladies on our table. Who knows? One of them will make me change my relationship status – from single to married.  I love being the eligible bachelor. I enjoy the stares I get from ladies every time I walk into a room. Yeah, I know I am handsome and I have style plus I have a lot of money to spend. A few ladies have shown interest but sometimes I feel I am not ready to settle just yet. I guess you must be wondering what I am doing in Katamanto,  if I claim to have so much money.

Well, Katamanto is where I can get original “G-Star” t-shirts. I don’t trust the guys who sell them in the boutiques. I think most of them get their stuff from Togo and after one wash, the design peels off. I have stopped taking chances that is why I am headed to my friend in the market who sells original “G-star” t-shirt at an amazing prize.

It looked like God was angry today because the sun was scorching. It almost burnt my delicate skin.  Sometimes I hate the weather in this country especially when it’s extremely hot like today but I need to look great for the meet-up. I walked straight to my guy’s stall to get my stuff and I got a cool deal. I strolled to the roadside afterwards and flagged my hand to stop a taxi. I told him where I was headed and he agreed to drive me there.

The journey was quite smooth, once in a while we passed comments about the political discussion being transmitted on the radio and I realized

the taxi driver and I shared almost the same opinion over issues. There were no stops mainly on the road because it was a weekend and in a few minutes, we were in front of my house. I bundled my shoes and shirt at the back of the seat, took my wallet out and asked the driver for the fare. He mentioned 20 cedis. I told him I was going to pay 8 cedis because that was the amount I usually paid from Kantamanto to my house.  He insisted 20 cedis and he was going to take nothing else.

“I am not going pay anything more than 8 cedis.” I said, trying to feign calmness.

We kept going back and forth till the driver jumped out of his seat and walked to my side of the car. He opened my door and pulled me off the seat. That was when I realized how the driver was infuriated. He was tall and muscular too. He could easily win the Mr Ghana contest.  He got hold of shirt and raised me high in the air. I became more confused when I felt a punch landing on my lips. I wasn’t too sure if my tooth had fallen off but I could taste blood in my mouth. I tried screaming for help but I was too shy to do that. A lot of people in my neighbourhood respect and admire me not only for my looks but for my wealth (Yeah, I know you are tired of hearing that). Before I could think of what to do next, the driver slipped his hands into my jeans pocket and took out my wallet. He pulled out the last 20 cedis I had and threw my wallet on the road and gave me another punch in my stomach before he dropped me on the ground.

He walked into the taxi and started the ignition. He looked at me lying on and the ground and screamed, “This long journey you want to pay 8 cedis, never try playing smart.  See your ugly face, foolish man.”

And with those words he drove off. I don’t know which stung more: the punches or insults.


A Petition to FIFA -from the Concerned Non-Football Lovers Assoc.(CoNFLA)


Dear FIFA,

My name is Miss Dee, member and secretary to the Concerned Non-Football Lovers Association (CoNFLA). Well, from our name, you may think we hate the game of football but that is not the case. We do not hate it. We are rather not too passionate about it. Below are a few recommendations you may want to look at, if you want to catch the attention of members of the association (WARNING – don’t think we form  the minority; you should ask round, there are so many of us).

So FIFA, first of all, members of CoNFLA believe the 32 teams that are selected to contest for the World cup are just too many. Why do we say that? We sat down to watch the games and we thought genuinely, some teams know their strengths. Deep down in their hearts, they know they can never lift the trophy. We got amazed when the anthems of these nations were sang and they shut their eyes as if they were going to play really hard and lift the cup on the final day but FIFA, since you started organizing this World Cup from 1930, has there ever been a surprise? Has any other country won apart from those who have the track records? So what is CoNFLA saying about this? We are saying you should use your discretion to select two nations from Europe, two from South America, two from Asia and the USA. Initially, we thought you should select two from Africa but you can use your discretion here too. You can make it one or even not select an African country. Yes, we know we are Africans and from our performance at previous and the just ended tournaments, trust us, we won’t mind if we do not make the final cut. The other option we would like to recommend is for you to invite teams that have won trophies in previous tournaments. They are the ones who will certainly lift the trophy. Or you don’t think so?

Our second recommendation is to use one week for the World Cup instead of the entire month. When you select just eight teams, it means we will start from the quarter finals. Won’t that be great? It will even be more exciting for the fans and the footballers. They will have enough rest and it’s likely none will sustain any injury and members of CoNFLA will not be forced to watch football for an entire month. Even if you like, don’t show the matches on television. Just announce to us who the winner was, in a press conference. We will appreciate that very much.

FIFA, if you take the above recommendations then you may not need these ones but if you still decide to go with the 32 teams then please, from the quarter finals stage onwards, any team that concedes more than two goals should be fined; they should only be pardoned if they play penalties. In this case, a country like Brazil which conceded about 10 goals in their past two games should be fined $10000 per goal. So FIFA let’s multiply that by ten and see how much FIFA will earn. Brazil did not only embarrass themselves but they also blocked the chances of 28 other nations who would have performed better (maybe). This is something you may really want to consider.

We also heard you do not allow interferences from countries in football administration. FIFA, this is an area you should consider amending. Why? Because the teams are representing us, we support them with our money,time, our hearts and  all our emotions. Yes, including members of CoNFLA. When our nations are playing, we really sit behind our television sets to support them. So why are you saying we shouldn’t interfere, eh? Give us reasons. Why shouldn’t we sack these administrators and footballers or even beat them up if we feel they are not living up to task? Oh, don’t think we will lynch them; we will only have a system where each member of the team plus the administrators will receive a few lashes from the strongest man in the country. That will not kill them. We know they are strong, or?  We thought the Nigerian approach was great till you decided to sanction them. Just allow us to give it a try, only for a year and let’s see the outcome.

Anyway, FIFA, we are about to begin our second meeting. This time we are going to discuss how some rules in football should be changed in order to make the game more interesting to attract members of our association. Trust CoNFLA, we will not leave you in the dark.

Thank you.